Call me HeManimal. Call me single. Call me emancipated. Call me happy (don’t really call me that, it sounds effeminate). Call me a man who’s been in a lot of relationships, long term and short term, who’s seen sexual satisfaction. In this day and age, that’s not easy to do. Everyone seems to be so neurotic. You see, neuroses are the new cocaine. Personally I preferred the old cocaine: cocaine. Even though I do understand the need to replace something that is perfectly fine with something else that is also perfectly fine. There’s a reason why every month they come out with a new Playboy Playmate even though there’s nothing wrong with last month’s Playmate. Because Playboy understands the male psyche that men get bored very quickly, with everything. A new car, a new cell phone, even a hot new naked chick. Yes, four weeks might be too long, even for this relationship, which by all means, is the perfect relationship. She doesn’t mind if you’re out late, if you turn the page to “read” about the other feature girls, she doesn’t talk back, call you lazy or non committal, none of these things. She’s even a cheap date, around $10.00, and that’s for an entire month. But even this relationship will grow stale. And any other relationship? Well, they’re nearly impossible to cultivate. No two people actually want to be with each other. Everyone wants someone else. The good looking guy wants the good looking girl, the good looking girl wants the smart guy, the smart guy wants the smart girl, and the smart girl wants, well, the smart girl. So we all jealously sit around looking at the two smart chicks make out. Not entirely terrible. But do we need relationships to be happy?

I say no, and Tyler Durden says, “We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer.” But people are going to get into relationships regardless of what Tyler and I think. Successful short term relationships come with passion, romance, and energetic sex, unfortunately successful short term relationships turn into long term relationships where the passion, romance, and energetic sex doesn’t exist. So what do we do when we feel a short term relationship is turning into a long term relationship? I’ll tell you, but first, some context. In the 1960′s women had had enough of their sexual place in society. Their position of having to thwart off men’s sexual advances to maintain a proper womanly reputation was ending. If they wanted to fuck a guy, they’d no longer have to fight him off until his will allowed her no other choice but to concede. Nope, from then on, if they wanted to fuck, they’d fuck. Female empowerment. This was the sexual revolution. One of the great paradigm shifts of the 20th Century. But sadly, like all good ideas, it’s been taken too far. Now, women demand all the power, they want a man in what once was a woman’s place, to be subservient. Well behaved. They frown on things that make men men. They frown upon a man’s sexuality. As a relationship grows, they want their man to lose his sexual identity, because a man’s true sexual identity is wild, unruly, and non monogamous. They don’t want men as they are, they want a false, neutered representation of man. Chicks don’t want their guy looking at other chicks. They don’t want them looking at porn. And strip clubs? Forget it. There are even women out there so insecure that they’ll encourage her guy to dress like a slob, a nerd, or gay, just so he won’t attract other woman. All these things are contrary to our true being. It’s time we found a new balance of power. It’s time to end this attempt at reprogramming. It’s time for the Second Sexual Revolution.

The great American writer Philip Roth states, “Emancipated manhood never has had a social spokesman or an educational system.” Women have Hillary Clinton and Oprah. Women have Barbra Walters and Captain Janeway. Who do we have? The Hef is old. Tony Stark is a comic book character. And Bill Clinton, well, he’s married to Hillary. Men have the disadvantage of having grown up in homes where our mothers dominated the household. Our Fathers were at work or at their apartments downtown. Secondary in efforts to raise us. We’ve become used to the absence of male leadership and the presence of female instruction. Our manly instincts have been buried. We’ve developed a proclivity to a woman’s order. It’s been there since we were infants. But male instincts are strong, and if there’s anything a man can do well, it’s dig. It’s Order vs. Chaos. Not a new concept, but one most men don’t realize they are in a constant battle with. Order is a woman’s will. Chaos is a man’s imperative. Their order tells us to settle down, to be with one and only one. To go home after work. To neglect our friends. The woman’s will tells us what to eat, what to wear. Who hasn’t been in a relationship where the girl has told us what to wear? I don’t see any hands. They want us to live in their cage. Their insecurity moves them to shame us. They shame us for things that make us who we are. For what? For power. They shame us for liking cartoons, for being tired the day after playing poker with our friends till 4 in the morning, for being tired after a tough day at work, for going to the gym because they’re afraid we’re there to check out hot chicks (which we are). They’re there to nag. Nag. Nag. Our imperative tells us to be free. To go to strip clubs, to watch the ballgame with our friends. To hang out where we want to hang out with whoever we want to hang out with. To wear jeans and tee-shirts. To spend 5 hours playing golf on a Saturday afternoon. To go to restaurants where the servers are hot and reveal incredible cleavage. To fuck hot chicks. Lots of them. And feel fucking proud of it. To do what we want when we want, because that is a man’s will that comes from a man’s imperative. You take away these imperatives, and you take away that which makes us who we are.

There’s an old Star Trek episode where Kirk is split into 2 by a transporter accident. There’s a docile, sensitive Kirk who can’t make decisions, who can’t lead, who loses his alpha impulses, and there’s a wild, unruly Kirk, an uncompromising Kirk who acts on his sexual impulses. A Kirk who does what he wants when he wants. Once in a relationship, your girl will try and turn you into the latter Kirk, the weak Kirk, the controllable Kirk, neglecting the fact that the wild Kirk is just as much a part of you as the sensitive Kirk. As Donlak had discussed with his 2 sides of the coin theory, one side cannot exist without the other. The wild Kirk must live. There are too many guys out there lamenting the lonely, single life. Understand, an unavoidable neutering is what all men get when entering into a long term relationship. An effort to reprogram. You might gain a girlfriend in a relationship, and I say might because over the long-term relationships are rarely friendly, but you risk losing a bit of yourself. A vital part that makes life exciting, adventurous, unknown. Roth goes on to state that a man entering marriage is like a priest entering into celibacy, only this celibacy is 5 years down the road and unlike the priest, the married man does not know he’s making this vow. This is a fantastic flaw in marriage. A flaw that is terrifying in its truth. I know these ideas are radical, equally to women and men, but a revolution is called just that because it is a violent shift from what is to what will be. I’m not telling you to cheat on your girl. I’m not telling you to reject any and all relationships. I’m telling you to maintain a firm grasp of who you are, what you are. Porn and strip clubs and big tittied waitresses are good for your relationship. They keep your sexual drive in gear. They make you feel like a man. They give you enough sexual energy to go home to that girlfriend, wife, whoever it is you have lost your sexual desire for, and give her a good fucking. Don’t be neutered. And understand the long term ramifications of your decisions. Enter into a relationship and give up on your wild Kirk, you might as well give her your balls too.